how i turned another year

as some people get older, they get sad or upset or bitter because ... well ... they're older. as for me, i was really looking forward to turning 32. being 31 was kind of odd (despite that 31 is an odd and prime number). 32 just had a better ring to it, so i was really looking forward to it. but, things never go as planned in life. you expect all to be well, but...alas...curveballs get thrown and we learn to deal and lean on God. so, here's how i turned another year:

sept. 2: i started getting some lower back pain that is more soreness than pain. i shrug it off, take some tylenol, and go to bed.

sept. 3: i wake up in excruciating pain. waves of pain go up and down my back to the point where i have trouble breathing. i figure it's too much for me to drive so i email in sick and stay home to rest.

sept. 4: i'm still in too much pain to drive to rotations, so i email in sick again. the pain goes away later on in the day and i actually feel a lot better.

sept. 5: i'm well enough to go to work! i'm even well enough to go onto a coast guard cutter (i'm on rotations at the coast guard pharmacy), climb into the captain's chair, and take plenty of pictures. i figure the pain has gone away and i'm alllllll better now. in fact, here are some pictures from the cutter...it's really really cool! we got to walk around and go into the sick bay.

sept. 6: 3am--i wake up in excruciating pain. so much pain that nothing eugene does can help. i can hardly breathe and have to take small quick breaths, but that hurts too. eugene rushes (but really...slowly rushes because any movement hurts too) me to the emergency department at the uc medical center. they (slowly) stick an iv in me and give me morphine and ativan right away. then, they proceed to ordering lab tests to rule out a pulmonary embolism. eugene and i are basically in the ER from 4am to 1pm, when they finally release me with a prescription for vicodin. i'm still in pain... here's a great picture of me that eugene took after i got the morphine and ativan. i was quite comfortable and not in pain...

sept. 8: i'm still in so much pain that it takes me over an hour to be functional in the mornings. it hurts to breathe, it hurts to shift positions, and i'm on my back all day. obviously, i can't drive, so my great friend pattie comes to the rescue and drives me to school to see Student Health. i get prescribed a muscle relaxant and am given a referral to get accupuncture. "it'll go away with plenty of rest," i'm told.

sept. 9-12: i'm on my back most of the day to rest and relax and heal. i have to stop my current rotation and take only 3 out of 6 units because..well...basically i am not fit to return to work. the school is great and tells me that my health really comes first and that they're here for me for whatever i need. i'm a little devastated that i cannot continue with my current rotation, but am relieved that getting the 3 units means that i won't fall behind and will graduate on time.

sept. 12: for the first time in weeks, i am able to get out of bed without pain. i can breathe without pain and can go from sitting to lying down and lying down to sitting with no pain. isn't it fitting that i am feeling great on my birthday? i'm still on my back most of the day, but i am in good enough condition to celebrate. eugene takes me to a bolivian restaurant that has live music (cuban music on friday nights) and we have a great time! the hostess was great and gave me a huge pillow for my chair so i am more comfortable. we eat soooooo much food that we must have gained at least 10 pounds!

sept. 13: i am able to wake up and walk around without too much pain once again! just a bit of soreness, but pretty good overall. a group of my friends and i get together for a birthday brunch at colibri (a really good mexican restaurant in downtown san francisco). we have a great time and eat a bunch of great food! maybe this back thing will go away after all.

today: the back pain came back this past wednesday, but yesterday and today have been pretty good. i hope that all the resting and pain killers i've been taking are working...in addition to the relaxing and letting go of things that give me anxiety and stress. pattie gave me a book about mind over back pains and so far, i'm realizing that i put a lot of my stress and anxiety on my body. so...i'm learning to let go and relax and not to hold on to so many things so that my body can finally be healthy and 100%.