The calm before the storm

I wake up with pain and blood on the morning of July 16, 2013.This is not new, and yet it felt new. The nurse puts me back on the baby monitor immediately - the baby is fine. Whew. The doctor comes in to check me - I am not fine. I'm still measuring 4.5 cm, but my bag of water is bulging and she can feel the baby's foot.

"I'm sorry, I think we will need to proceed with the c-section."

I freak out. I call Eugene and he doesn't answer (granted, this is at 6:30am). I call my doula and she tells me she'll be there as fast as she can. Eugene finally picks up and I am a wreck. What are we going to do about Gideon? What if this happens today? In the next hour? I need him there. Now. 

I get wheeled into the Labor and Delivery ward (closer to the operating room) and I have a full blown breakdown. The attending there is sympathetic and comforting. She holds my hand and just lets me cry, and cry I did. Will my baby be okay? Will she survive? Will she develop properly? What will happen to her? How long will she have to stay in the hospital? Why does this keep happening? Why can't I carry a child to term? Next thing I know, I have a nosebleed. That's something new (I have never had a nosebleed in my life). 

The attending calms me down and tells me they will restart the magnesium with a loading dose first (my magnesium had just been turned off at 6:00am after a two day maintenance course). I expect the hot flush and drowsiness to kick in soon, but I never thought that I would be knocked practically unconscious. One minute, I'm talking with the doctor and my mom on the phone, the next, I'm half waking up to doctors and nurses surrounding my bed shaking me, trying to wake me up, asking me where I was. So this is what it feels like to not be alert and oriented. The magnesium gets turned down and I come back to reality. Good news - my water bag is no longer bulging and I am starting to stabilize again. But just to be safe, I'm kept in L&D for observation.

The remainder of the day is uneventful. I get an epidural catheter placed just in case a c-section is performed in the next three days and I get a foley catheter (definitely not fun). Eugene and Gideon stay with me all day as I drift in and out of sleep. I start worrying about my little boy now. I have only been in the hospital for a few days, but what's the impact on a little three year old? Eugene tells me he's fine, but I can't help but worry. How will this affect him? He is already scared of the IV in my right arm and refuses to kiss me from the right side of the bed. And is it me, but is he already withdrawing away from me? Eugene says it's all in my head, but with the rush of emotions flowing through me, I can't help but wonder.

6:00pm - The doctors come in again and tell me I'm stable. It's time to move me back to ante partum and let me eat. Good news. I send Eugene and Gideon off to the cafeteria to get dinner. They were only gone for 15 minutes. Lots of things can change in 15 minutes. Say, contractions picking up every 5 minutes. Change of plans, I'm staying in L&D and I'm going to be restarted on the magnesium. Great. Thirty minutes pass and suddenly, everything is different. The contractions begin to feel familiar. These are now labor contractions. They've picked up in pace too - now every three minutes. This is not good. I start breathing through each contraction as they get more and more painful. Eugene starts to look very worried. As the contractions get more and more painful, I realize something. If this had happened 12 weeks later, I could have done it without the epidural. I was enduring the pain in a way I never thought I could. I was at peace with each contraction as they came on, breathing in and out with each ride. The doctors come in and check me again. 6 cm dilated with a breached baby and my bag of water is bulging again. It is time.

Expect the unexpected

July 10, 2013. The day everything was put into motion. It was just a regular typical day. Nothing special. Except, my contractions started to pick up to the point that I not only noticed, but wondered about them. I was already at work when I noticed how frequent they were happening so I started to monitor. Hm, 4 contractions an hour. That felt familiar...that was the same thing that happened when I was pregnant with Gideon. And because it felt so familiar, I just kept monitoring and didn't feel the need to contact the doctor.

July 11, 2013. Same as above, but I started to move slower. Way slower than before. And I felt more tired. Maybe the contractions were taking a toll on me, but I still didn't feel the need to contact the doctor. Honestly, I didn't want to be hospitalized.

July 12, 2013. I emailed my doctor and informed her of the contractions. I also informed her that I didn't want to be hospitalized. She replied right away: call labor and delivery because you need to be monitored. Sigh... I left work a wreck, crying all the way home. I didn't want the same thing to happen again. I didn't want to be hospitalized. I didn't want this pregnancy to hit anymore bumps. When I got home, I called labor and delivery and they told me to hydrate and monitor at home. Since I was only getting about 4 contractions an hour (and their threshold was 6), there was no need for me to go in. Whew! Dodged that bullet...or so I thought. Later in the evening, the contractions picked up again. "Hm, 6 an hour. I'll wait until tomorrow."

July 13, 2013 - July 14, 2013. First thing in the morning, I saw blood. But it was so little and I have a polyp on my cervix, I didn't think twice. Right before bed, I saw more blood. To the point where I started to hyperventilate. "This is not happening." I called labor and delivery and they told me to monitor again. If I have more bleeding in the next two hours, I'll need to go in. I called them again at 1:00am. Yes, there was more blood. Yes, I need to go in. Eugene assured me that it was probably just nothing, but it's always better to be safe. We woke up Gideon and went on our way. Poor Gideon, being woken up at 1:00am in the morning by his parents was not what he was expecting, but he was such a trooper.

At the hospital, the doctor did the usual exams and gave me the news. The baby's breached and I'm already dilated 4.5 cm. I have a meltdown right there and my whole world crashes. What did I do wrong? How could this have happened? What's going to happen to my baby? Needless to say, I was admitted and started on magnesium and received the first of two betamethasone shots. Hm, everything felt so familiar... My contractions start to be less frequent and I'm moved over to ante partum for observation. An ultrasound shows that everything baby is fine. I even get confirmation that the baby is a girl (yay!).

July 15, 2013. A very uneventful day. However uneventful, I'm given the news that I will be in the hospital a minimum of 1-2 weeks with the possibility of staying in the hospital for the rest of my pregnancy. Once again, I have a meltdown. What about my family? What about my little boy? I'm going to miss his first day of school. Eugene would have to take on the stress of taking care of everything including our son for possibly 12 weeks? Again I ask...why is this happening? Eugene is the picture of calm while he comforts me, letting me know that everything will be fine. As long as the baby was fine, we will get through this. 

Uneventful until...

There's this saying: All of this has happened before. All of this will happen again. It can't be more true in our case.

This second pregnancy was different from the start. After having a miscarriage in October 2012, getting pregnant again so quickly was already a miracle. But from the beginning, we didn't think this pregnancy would last. I was bleeding again and exhibiting all the signs of another miscarriage, but the baby stayed on, already showing signs of strength and endurance. 

The first trimester brought on so much nausea and vomiting, I thought I would never see the light at the end of the tunnel. I didn't gain any weight, but at least I didn't lose any weight either. Then, on the first day of my second trimester, everything went away as quickly as it came. It was amazing. I could eat again, I could smell scents again, and I could function again. Of course, euphoria never seems to last as long as you'd like. 

With the second trimester came the dreaded DNA tests. Since I will be 37 by the time the baby's born, I was considered "high risk." We prayed and we had faith that nothing would happen, but the tests came back positive for Down's Syndrome. I cried for a day. A day was enough. Eugene and I decided at the end of the day that no matter what the result, this was our baby and that was enough. This baby would be showered with so much love and affection regardless of the result. A few weeks later, a second test came back negative. 

The second trimester, also known as the honeymoon period, was wonderful. I started gaining weight, we found out that our precious little cargo was a girl, and Gideon, the big brother, was showing signs of a sweet and endearing big brother. It was a joyful time and we were just along for the ride. Nothing could have happened. Except...then the contractions started again.

When the contractions started, I felt like I was in familiar territory again. The same thing happened with Gideon. However, the contractions were not frequent and I didn't find them to be painful or harmful. Since this happened before, my doctor was not concerned either. Baby girl was as active as any baby could possibly be, kicking and fluttering around like a butterfly in my tummy, constantly reminding me that she was there. On July 10, everything changed.

It's time again

I've been away for quite a long time, but it's time to start writing again. Why you ask? Why, because we'll be a family of four soon! It's only fitting that I try to document everything for the second child too right? Especially since...it's a girl!

I'm officially halfway through the pregnancy and I couldn't be happier. The first trimester was definitely something to forget (and yet remember so that I don't try to go through it again). I can't believe it go so bad that I had to take meds for the nausea and vomiting. At least that's over and I can concentrate now on just relaxing and coasting through the remaining of the pregnancy. I really hope history doesn't repeat itself this time. I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens...

Round and around

Eugene took Gideon to a different playground the other day now that he has a car that fits Gideon. We've been there once as a family so Gideon's not as familiar with the playground, but kids adapt so easily! One of the items there was a merry-go-round (I think that's what they're called) so I guess Eugene put Gideon on there...and the following happened:

Back in action

It has been a long time since I last had time to post something. Since the last post, Gideon has turned ONE, learned how to walk, picked up a few words and signs, and learned a number of animal sounds (which he'd rather make instead of saying the name of the animal). He's getting bigger and bigger everyday and is quite a sponge too. It's amazing how quickly he picks up on things. He's also learned how to drink from a straw (which he learned within 5 minutes)! Our little tiny baby who slept all day is now an active toddler that can't be stopped. I think he's also becoming quite fearless too. Uh-oh!

Entering the World of Double Digits...Ten Months!

10 months ago today, our little Gideon came into our lives. I can't believe how much he has grown and learned these past 10 months. Our sweet little guy now crawls faster than we can imagine and cruises around as much as he can. He does get a little lazy sometimes though we we try to get him to cruise more...he'll get down on all fours and crawl instead, because he can crawl way faster than he can cruise. But, that's okay for now if it means he doesn't walk on his own yet. :)

What our little Gideon can now do:
**crawl around like lightning!**
**pull himself up to standing**
**cruise!**
**new words: mama!**
**knows his toys: train, worm, ball, ring**
**hold his own bottle**

Things we've heard him say once (we're totally and completely serious!):
**how you doin!**
**i got it!**
**Teddy! (his favorite teddy bear)**
**Jaffe! (his toy giraffe we renamed)**

Here are pictures from our Picasa:

Gideon Elijah - Ten Months